10 things to improve dancing attendance: please choose your top three

I've recently been at venues where new dancers seem to ebb away after about 15 minutes of the freestyle. This struck me as a shame so I got to thinking about 10 ways venues might retain their dancers.

1. Offer discounts for those who stay the whole night

2. Offer chocolates and cakes for those who stick around for 30 mins or more

3. Eliminate the casual "instructor" element, the gropers, the lecherous and the pwoer crazed: especially those "teaching" dips and drops they don't know how to do to people who REALLY don't want to do them, without much idea how to teacher and even less insurance.

4. Have 3 songs of beginners-only dances midway through the freestyle: one beginner in every couple and rotate at ecah song.

5. Get rid of the practicing competition couples - they just intimidate newbies and frankly get in the way. Give them a [very?] small room to practice in that the immoderate can look into with a mixture of awe and bemusement.

6. Bolt the doors, taser early leavers, don't give them any cake and make them pay for whatever mints they've had.

7. Teachers and taxis - target the lost souls: the hoverers, the chair-bound and the timorous.

8. Eliminate dangerous dancers

9. Eliminate odourous dancers

10. Put a weekender DVD on so newbies can see what happens there AND have something to do if they're waiting for a dance that is dance related.

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